Jack died at Little Harbour when he was only 9 days old. His brothers, Tommy now 11, and Sam aged 7 have a close connection to the hospice and get invaluable support as they navigate growing up without their brother.
Little Harbour provided a safe and comforting environment for mum Bex, dad Rich and Jack’s older brother Tommy when they were going through the unimaginable.
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Within 2 hours of Jack dying, Tommy was playing in the ball pool in soft play with Bex.
“I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s what he needed”, said Bex.
Jack dying was devastating for the family, but being at the hospice allowed them to manage all those difficult emotions. The support they received from the Care Team in how to help Tommy through this difficult time was such a great help.
I don’t know if I’d have necessarily had the road map or the blueprint to guide me and say, ‘do you know what, it’s okay, give him a hug, go and run around with him.
"You just get so caught in moments and having that guidance from the Care Team was invaluable”, Bex continued.
Bex praised the support and guidance from the Sibling Support Team and Psychologist for Tommy and Sam.
While Jack was in Southampton hospital Tommy stayed with his grandparents and he was just 2 and a half when his brother died. Tommy was at an age where he was starting to develop his understanding of relationships and so experiencing this trauma has had an impact on his learning and has given him separation anxiety, which he receives help and support for.
Little Harbour felt like the only place where Bex, Rich, Tommy and Jack could be a complete family.
“At Little Harbour we could really wrap Tommy up as parents”.
Tommy and Bex both also suffered with anxiety during Bex’s pregnancy with her youngest son Sam:
“It is very different having a 3rd child after you’ve lost a child. All anxieties are through the roof and so were Tommy’s. All the worries for the next child were so different than they had been compared to when I was expecting Tommy and Jack.”
Sam has struggled with his own kind of grief. He is part of the family, but he wasn’t there during such a turbulent time that shaped his parents and older brother so requires his own support from the Sibling Support Team to help him process his feelings around this.
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But the boys’ views of Little Harbour aren’t of the sadness their family experienced there, but of the fun and happy memories they all share when they visit.
When the family come to Little Harbour for their annual day visits, the 2 boys get so excited.
“If I had a pound for every time they asked to go to Little Harbour!”, said Bex.
I once asked them once if they’d prefer a stay at Little Harbour or a week at Butlins and the answer was the hospice… and they love Butlins!
“It’s not just somewhere that we feel comfortable and they don’t, it is somewhere they want to go to and they feel safe and they feel respected. They do look forward to it.”
When the brothers have milestones or things they’ve achieved, or if they have an upcoming school trip, they feel a sense of pride knowing the team at Little Harbour would be proud of them for overcoming any worries or doubts.
“It’s like having an auntie that you send a postcard to, that’s how the boys feel about the Care Team. You do still have that connection and drive to stay in touch. The children seek that pride knowing the team will be happy for them, it’s lovely.”
Bex and her 2 boys do lots of fundraising to raise awareness and funds for Little Harbour, and to honour Jack.
